1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:05,080 [soft music playing] 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,640 [beeping] 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,080 [dial up Internet beeping] 4 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:19,320 ["Crystal Blue Persuasion" by Tommy James and The Shondells playing] 5 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:31,440 [Jeremy] It was now late February and winter was very much in retreat. 6 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,200 [music continues playing] 7 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,360 [Jeremy] Soon, we would be planting the spring crops 8 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,040 with my new hi-tech equipment. 9 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,480 But there was plenty to keep us busy till then. 10 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:47,600 [bleating] 11 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,120 First of all, we had to send some of our sheep 12 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,000 on their journey to the kitchen at the pub, 13 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,120 along with the latest batch of pigs. 14 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,440 [grunting] 15 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,960 [truck beeping] 16 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,360 These were our original Mules. 17 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,360 Remember the North Country Mules that we had from day one? 18 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,880 These are the ones that we lambed that first... 19 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,400 -[Lisa] Is that four years ago? -[Jeremy] In Covid. 20 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,240 [Jeremy] Come on, sheeps. 21 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,800 [Lisa] Come on girls, up, up, up. Pssh! Go on. Pssh! 22 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,600 [Kaleb] Do you not find this sad taking these sheep away? 23 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:24,880 [Jeremy] No. 24 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,720 Cows and sheep, 25 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,960 I don't like getting rid of them, I don't like putting them on the lorry. 26 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,720 I don't think any farmer in the world would enjoy 27 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,400 sending their animals off to be killed, thinking "they will be dead tonight," 28 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,320 I don't like that, or the cows, 29 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,520 but I get really emotional about the pigs. 30 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,720 -Why? -I just love the pigs. 31 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,400 -You know, you love cows. -Yeah, yeah. 32 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,080 Well, I love pigs, same as that. I just love pigs. 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,960 I just think the way they taste. 34 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:50,960 [grunting] 35 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,480 [Jeremy] Once we'd seen the animals off... 36 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,000 [Jeremy] Bye, weaners. 37 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,160 [Jeremy] I headed over to The Farmer's Dog, 38 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,960 which was closed for a couple of days 39 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,400 so that some essential work could be done. 40 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:09,600 Now what I'm hoping to see here is a forest of white vans 41 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,800 and workmen doing jobs, and I'm... Yes! 42 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,760 [Jeremy] Inside, the kitchen was getting a new non-slip floor. 43 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,600 -[Jeremy] Gentlemen. -Hello, Jeremy. 44 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,720 [Jeremy] It's a festival of arse cracks in here today. 45 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,160 [man laughing] 46 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,560 [Jeremy] And the electricians were trying once again 47 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,400 to fix the belligerent power supply. 48 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,360 -[Jeremy] Are we having a new board? -[electrician] Yes. 49 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:38,280 -And no more flickering lights? -[electrician] Erm... Fingers crossed. 50 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,240 -No, no, don't say that, please. -[electrician laughing] 51 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,240 [soft rock music playing] 52 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,280 [Jeremy] All of this work was being overseen by Alan, 53 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:49,920 who was back in the saddle after his major heart surgery. 54 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,360 [Alan] It's been a long time! Yeah, I'm back, mate! 55 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,960 -[Jeremy] Alan! You're back! -That's a bit of a man hug, innit? 56 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,560 -Look at you, you're like Jon Bon Jovi. -I have lost a bit, yeah. 57 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,160 Jesus. That's a lot of timber gone. 58 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,520 I know. A lot of fruit. 59 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:03,840 And how is it? Painful? 60 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,960 Very. I don't wanna show you on camera but it's a nasty cut. 61 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,000 -Down there? -Yeah. 62 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,240 -That was four--- a quadruple? -Quadruple. One had collapsed, 63 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,320 and curled itself up, 64 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,760 and the other four, they were about 85 to 90% blocked. 65 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:18,480 Horrible. 66 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,920 Are you feeling all right? 67 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,680 Yeah, I had a bit of a problem with the lungs. 68 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:25,240 I lost 36% of the lungs, all MDF dust and shit. 69 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,680 -That's 'cause you never wear a mask. -None of us do, do we? 70 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,800 That's the trouble. We didn't know back in the '80s, '90s. 71 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,400 -Not like we do now. -No. 72 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,040 -You still don't wear a mask. -No. 73 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,120 -[both laughing] -[Alan] Yeah, I know. 74 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,520 -So your lungs are buggered... -36%. 75 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,040 But they've mended your heart now? 76 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,280 -[Alan] Yeah, they was brilliant. -When I came in for my heart thing, 77 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,640 you were two rooms along. 78 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,840 Yeah, next door. I knew you was there. 79 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,280 I'm on that "Muntjac" drug, you know the anti-fat one? 80 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,600 -Yeah, yeah. -They put me on that. 81 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,240 And what, are you taking it or injecting it? 82 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,720 -[Jeremy] You inject it once a week. -Yeah, yeah. 83 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,080 I got that as well. It's only a little baby needle, ain't it? 84 00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,440 Yeah, tiny. You don't even feel it. 85 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,080 Yeah, it's good. That suppresses your appetite. 86 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,240 Yeah, 'cause my cholesterol's what caused mine, so. 87 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:05,680 Yeah, yeah, that's a blockage, yeah. 88 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,160 Hello and welcome to old-people television. 89 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,360 [Alan laughing] 90 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,160 You might be young right now watching this thinking, 91 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,640 "Well, look at these two old..." One day... 92 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,360 It'll come round and kick you in the balls, won't it? 93 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:18,800 [Jeremy chuckling] 94 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,960 [soft rock music playing] 95 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,240 [Jeremy] The next day, there was more to do at the farm, 96 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,480 because we'd had some interesting new arrivals. 97 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,520 We'll take this round to where they are. 98 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,360 -[Lisa and Kaleb] Yeah. -Try and get them in it. 99 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,120 -Hmm... Really? -Yeah. 100 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,480 How else are you gonna... It's easier to transport them in their house. 101 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,840 So let's take the staircase out then. 102 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,520 [Jeremy] This is gonna be awkward. 103 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,760 [Kaleb] He's gonna fuck this up, ain't he? 104 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,520 He can do that now, can't he? Yeah. Ooh! 105 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:55,880 [Jeremy] Oh, shit! 106 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,000 [tractor beeping] 107 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,480 [grunting] 108 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,000 It's fine. 109 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,640 -[Lisa] I don't know how. -[Jeremy] Thank God for that. 110 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,560 [rock music playing] 111 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,920 [Jeremy] The occupants of the new house 112 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,400 had been a present from my eldest daughter. 113 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,080 Ten guinea fowl, 114 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,120 who'd made the barn where we'd been keeping them smell... 115 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,680 absolutely unbelievable. 116 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,280 Have you got food? 117 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:28,880 They are... Ugh! 118 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,360 [laughing] 119 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,560 [Lisa] It's so bad. 120 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,200 [Kaleb] Fucking... It reeks. It is vile. 121 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,240 [Jeremy] Right. Ugh, God, I'm gagging already. 122 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,400 Let me get in then. I'll catch them and pass them to you, yeah? 123 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:42,520 [Lisa] Yeah, perfect. 124 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,840 [Lisa] There we go. Yep. 125 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,280 [Jeremy] You've got a new house! 126 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:49,720 Hello, little fella! 127 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,960 [guinea fowl cackling] 128 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,080 [Lisa] That's it. 129 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:58,920 -[Jeremy] Is that finished? -[Lisa] Yeah. Well done. 130 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,800 [Jeremy] Well done. That's a great job. 131 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,560 [Jeremy] Before moving the birds down to their new home in a nearby copse, 132 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:10,120 there was a small Diddly Squat celebration to take care of. 133 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,960 [lighter flicks] 134 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,040 -[Jeremy] G-Dog! -[Gerald] Hello, Jeremy! 135 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,680 [Jeremy] Here you go, birthday boy. 136 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:17,760 [Gerald] This is lovely. 137 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,840 [Jeremy] Well, it will be if I can get it lit. Hang on. 138 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:20,960 [Jeremy laughing] 139 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,280 We bought candles that literally will not light. 140 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,400 -Gerald, I'm so sorry for this. -I know. 141 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,080 [lighter flicks] 142 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,440 -[Kaleb] How old are you today? -[Gerald] 78. 143 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,480 -[Kaleb] We got you, erm, a stripper. -[Gerald] Oh! 144 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:34,880 [Jeremy] Yeah, he'll be here in a minute. 145 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,240 [Gerald and Kaleb laughing] 146 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,320 [Lisa] Ready? And blow that out. 147 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,400 -There we go. Perfect. -[Jeremy] Happy birthday. 148 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:42,840 [Charlie] Happy birthday, Gerald. 149 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,800 -[Gerald] Happy birthday, guys. -[Lisa] Happy birthday, G-Dog. 150 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,320 Erm... do you know anything about guinea fowl, Gerald? 151 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:50,920 Well, they get the wattles, 152 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,680 then when you're out at night, they just... [speaking indistinctly] 153 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,760 So I just think they're all cock birds. 154 00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,520 Fine to start with, mental they go after one another. 155 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,000 And the comb. But every one of 'em had it. 156 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,360 One of them big long 'uns. 157 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,480 It looked so sad, "ah-ah-ah". 158 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:08,560 [Gerald chuckling] 159 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,680 We've been told to keep them in that box for five days. 160 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,880 Yeah, that one... [speaking indistinctly] 161 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,280 You get all of them, and then, my Christ, 162 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,680 you'll hear 'em down the village no trouble. 163 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,080 What it's doing now is... raining on us. 164 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:23,120 Yeah. 165 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,520 [Jeremy] Do we leave the door of the house open? 166 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:25,640 Or close them? 167 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,000 Well, I think we should... They're escaping. 168 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,560 [Jeremy] No, they're not in there now, they're in here. 169 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,480 -Well, there's that one there. -[Jeremy] What? 170 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:32,840 There's one on the lamp. 171 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:34,640 [Jeremy] Oh shit, we haven't got them all. 172 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,560 -[Kaleb] There's one more! -[Charlie] There's two in there. 173 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,240 -[Jeremy] What? -[Charlie] There are two in there. 174 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,400 [Jeremy] Can you two not count? You morons. 175 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,800 -[Kaleb chuckling] -[bird cackling] 176 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:46,640 [soft rock music playing] 177 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,280 [Jeremy] Once the missing two had been loaded, 178 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,720 I gingerly set off to the copse. 179 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,800 [Jeremy] Oh, bloody hell. 180 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,120 Whoa, God, this is so bloody slippery. 181 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,560 Ugh! No! 182 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,480 [Jeremy] And on the way, I got a bit of a shock. 183 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,600 What's that sheep doing in the... 184 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,320 It's had a lamb! 185 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,080 Look! 186 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,320 The sheep has got a placenta hanging out of its arse. This is just born. 187 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:24,960 Hang on. 188 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:27,880 This is... 189 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,920 This is odd because these are not the EasyCare sheep, 190 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,480 which we know are pregnant, 191 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,560 these are DifficultCare sheep 192 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,760 which are supposed to be turned into mutton at the pub. 193 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,800 They're not supposed to be pregnant. 194 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,720 I mean, how have you got pregnant? 195 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,040 [lamb bleating] 196 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,720 How is this... Kaleb? 197 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,680 [Lisa] Oh, look. 198 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,000 [Lisa] Yeah, but the weird thing is, where has the ram come from? 199 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,320 [Jeremy] Exactly! 200 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:52,680 [bleating] 201 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,240 [Jeremy] To try and get to the bottom of this mystery, 202 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,640 I called Jeremy, our shepherd. 203 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,680 [shepherd over the phone] It's a bit bizarre. 204 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,840 The only thing I can imagine is that before the lambs were weaned off, 205 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,120 he's still had his balls and he's got across them. 206 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,080 [Lisa] Ooh... 207 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,400 [Jeremy] But what we've got is incest going on here. 208 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,680 [shepherd over the phone] You've got incest and you've got... Yeah. 209 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:16,000 [Jeremy] There is another possibility we ought to consider: 210 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,280 virgin birth. 211 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,160 It's been documented as something that can occur. 212 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,520 [shepherd laughing over the phone] I very much doubt it. 213 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:25,800 That's Jesus. 214 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,720 Well, he did a human last time. 215 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,400 We've been expecting the Second Coming, haven't we? 216 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:33,680 Who ever said it was going to be a human? It could be a sheep. 217 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,160 That could be Jesus. 218 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,840 I'm telling you, that lamb is called Jesus 219 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,880 and we are keeping that sheep. 220 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,560 -[Lisa] No, we're not. -We bloody are. 221 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,720 -[Kaleb] We are not. -You're not gonna butcher Jesus. 222 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,760 It's not fucking Jesus. That sheep is going. 223 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:46,720 It is Jesus. 224 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,840 It's gonna rear that lamb and then it's gonna go for mutton. 225 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,600 Then it's gonna come back, you're gonna eat it and then complain about heartburn. 226 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,320 -We're gonna eat the Virgin Mary? -Yes, you are. 227 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,120 -That's the Virgin Mary! -It's not! 228 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,880 [soft rock music] 229 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,560 [Jeremy] After this, the two wise men and one wise woman 230 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:04,560 took the guinea fowl to their new woodland lodgings. 231 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,200 -[Jeremy] There? -[Lisa] Yeah, lovely. 232 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,640 [Lisa] That looks pretty good. 233 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,880 [Jeremy] They have to be in there now for five days. 234 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:14,840 [Lisa] Yeah. 235 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:16,120 [Jeremy] So that they know what home is. 236 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,240 [Kaleb] Okay. 237 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,400 [Jeremy] They're looking a bit discombobulated. 238 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:20,800 [Lisa] I'm not surprised. 239 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,360 [Jeremy] Well, they've had a bit of an exciting afternoon. 240 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,360 [rock music] 241 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,240 [Jeremy] With Alan's refurb work complete, 242 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,480 the pub was now open again. 243 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,400 And while I was over there, His Cheerfulness asked for a meeting 244 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,000 as he'd worked out our trading results 245 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,040 for the first four months. 246 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,080 Jeremy. 247 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,680 -[Jeremy] Hey, Charlie, how are you? -[Charlie] Hello. All right, thanks. 248 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:57,040 Here you are. I thought I had two copies. I did. I've... 249 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,720 [Jeremy scoffing] 250 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,160 -I've just gone down to the bottom. -[Charlie] Yes. 251 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,560 "Profit before taxation", which gives me hope. 252 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,080 -[Charlie] Yes. -"Minus", "minus", "minus", 253 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,880 "minus £8,486". 254 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,040 Yeah... 255 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,600 -[Charlie] So... -That's the headline figure. 256 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,600 -We're losing money. -Well, I... 257 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,560 You are, overall. 258 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,480 -We're fully booked everyday. -[Charlie] Yep. 259 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,080 Couldn't get any more people in if we tried. 260 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,040 You know, I'm stumped. 261 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,920 We've got people coming and we're losing money. 262 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,000 And it's partly... 263 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:40,080 the success that's causing the additional cost, 264 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,800 because the infrastructure of the pub can't cope. 265 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,800 We're having to clean out the cesspit twice a week, 266 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,120 we're having to do the grease extraction twice a week 267 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:53,240 because it was built for a pub that did as many covers in a month, 268 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,600 really. 269 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,520 Parking attendants, you know, 270 00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:01,760 to try and make sure that we didn't have chaos on the A40. 271 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,840 You know, we have this fleet of parking attendants. 272 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,880 No, I know, that's £47,000 a month in paying parking people. 273 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,480 -I just think that's probably... -So, okay. 274 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,280 'Cause the costs are what they are, aren't they? 275 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:16,000 We are successful, I mean, in as much as a lot of people come. 276 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,160 So you do have to empty the cesspit a lot, 277 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,440 you do have to clean the extractors out quite a lot, 278 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,840 we do have to worry about the parking otherwise the council will go crazy, 279 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,040 -so we know we have these costs. -Yeah. 280 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,480 So another thing I thought, which is controversial, 281 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,120 is putting prices up. 282 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,160 Well, I've actually gone to the trouble of having a survey 283 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,560 of all the other pubs in the area done. 284 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:43,840 So if you take a starter, right, meat and bread. 285 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:44,800 [Charlie] Yeah. 286 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,240 So we've got chicken liver parfait and sourdough, okay? 287 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,200 [Charlie] Yeah. 288 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,040 We're cheaper than any other pub in the area. 289 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,360 -We're £9.50. -Yeah. 290 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,200 All the others are around £12, £12.50. 291 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,680 £15 at The Bull in Charlbury. 292 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,240 [Jeremy] A steak pie... 293 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,400 -Yeah. -We're the cheapest. 294 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,000 -[Charlie stuttering] -We are fundamentally cheaper. 295 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,840 Now... this is the interesting thing. 296 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,560 If you actually look at the news coverage this place gets, 297 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:10,880 and there's a fair bit of it... 298 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,160 Yeah. 299 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,640 This is from The Express, okay? 300 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,720 "Disgruntled punters have been moaning about the prices of the meals on offer. 301 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,680 If you want to dine on steak, carrot, mash and cabbage at the pub, 302 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:24,920 it'll cost you 28 quid." 303 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,520 So, every newspaper, 304 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,520 every single time this pub is mentioned, 305 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,840 they all say the same thing: "this pub is expensive." 306 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,240 -Now, the fact is, we're cheaper. -Yep. 307 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,640 So here we are with a totally unfounded reputation 308 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,760 in The Mirror, The Mail, The Express and all of the newspapers 309 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,200 -that we're expensive, when we're not. -Yeah. 310 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:49,400 Bearing in mind our ingredients are costing more than all these other pubs. 311 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,400 [Charlie] Yeah. 312 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,840 You know, we're paying more for the food than any other pub 313 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,200 and charging less. 314 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,840 So we have to put the prices up. 315 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,640 And I think we can put the prices up 316 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,440 to what people think we're charging anyway. 317 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,720 [Charlie] Yeah. Okay. 318 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,120 [Jeremy sighing] Shit... 319 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,880 I'm sure we'll turn it round. 320 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,960 -But we've gotta get a fair return. -Why did you let me buy a pub? 321 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,080 -I tried not to. -I know you did. 322 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,560 So I now have two loss-making businesses. 323 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,320 I shall buy a cinema next. 324 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,360 [folk music] 325 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,600 [Jeremy] And then, just when I thought 326 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,080 things couldn't get more financially bleak, 327 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,480 David the butcher asked for a meeting 328 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:33,520 to talk about my rare-breed Sandy and Black pigs. 329 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,240 Oh, look at the face. Oh, he's got... 330 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,800 [David] Well, I'll take that off so you don't have to look at it any more. 331 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,000 I just... 332 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,800 [Jeremy] That doesn't make it better! 333 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,120 What are you making? Bacon? Or just...? 334 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,160 Erm, in complete truth, 335 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,320 we can't do much with these apart from sausages. 336 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,960 -Oh shit, really? -Yeah. 337 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,280 [David] I'll show you what I mean. 338 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,400 If you came into the counter 339 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,200 and we kind of gave you that, 340 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:12,560 I don't think you'd be too happy. 341 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,560 You'd cook it off and it's just like cooking a load of fat, you see. 342 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,760 -[Jeremy] Is this yours? -Yeah. That's what we're looking for. 343 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,200 It's much bigger in comparison. 344 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,720 But the fat that's going through that 'cause of the breed, 345 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,200 it's just too much. 346 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,120 I mean, I can see the problem. 347 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,440 I'm not going to... Obviously, well, I couldn't argue with you anyway 348 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,960 'cause you guys are butchers and I'm not, 349 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,120 but I can straight away see 350 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,280 that this is, you know, primarily fat, isn't it? 351 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,240 [David] Yes. 352 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,480 -Is that a characteristic of this breed? -[David] Yeah. 353 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,680 Which is why it became a rare breed 'cause people would rather eat that? 354 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:50,840 [David] Yes. 355 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,600 [Jeremy] That's got more meat on it. 356 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,520 [Jeremy] Ugh... 357 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,320 All that effort and we've got sausages. 358 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,400 Very nice sausages I might add. 359 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,320 Yeah, no, delicious I'm sure. Erm, yeah. 360 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,000 Very expensive sausages... 361 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,600 to produce. 362 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,600 It's loss-making then that really, isn't it? 363 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,200 Shit. 364 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,120 -It is a tough game, pig farming. -Yeah. 365 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,400 Still, look at it this way, at least the pub's losing money. 366 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,280 [soft music] 367 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,920 [Jeremy] That had been a bad day. 368 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,480 But the following morning, things looked rosier... 369 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,240 [tense music] 370 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,440 As my high-tech, driverless tractor had arrived. 371 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,080 [tense music continues] 372 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,440 [Jeremy] My God, what a fantastic-looking thing this is. 373 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:55,760 The AgBot. 374 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,120 I mean, it was quite fun seeing it in the NEC, 375 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,080 but seeing it on a farm 376 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,920 is when you realise just how... 377 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,800 fantastically futuristic it is. 378 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,200 -[Jeremy] It's Dutch, isn't it? -[Will] Yeah, built in Holland. 379 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,520 Diesel engine, generator, two electric motors. 380 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,360 Right, so the diesel engine powers the generator. 381 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,920 And that then powers the two electric motors. 382 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:26,000 Oh, so, okay, like a modern-day Royal Navy Destroyer. 383 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,880 Highly efficient. Don't lose any power in the drivetrain. 384 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,480 [intense music] 385 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,440 [Jeremy] Will, who'd first shown me the AgBot at LAMMA, 386 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,200 then explained how it was able to operate on its own 387 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:42,080 in a world full of rules and lawsuits. 388 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,200 The first thing is two GPS receivers. 389 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,880 So one does the primary navigation, one checks. 390 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,760 [Jeremy] 'Cause what is the satellite in cars now? 391 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,760 -They're accurate to within...? -[Will] A couple of metres. 392 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:52,800 -A couple of metres? -[Will] Yeah. 393 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,560 -So this is to within... -Two centimetres. 394 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,360 Just under an inch in old-fashioned money. 395 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,360 [Will] Next, on the top, the little blue-coloured dome, 396 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,080 a rotating laser beam, for want of a better description. 397 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,400 -[Jeremy] OK. -Scans 30 metres around the AgBot. 398 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,560 -Oh, if it detects a... -If it detects something, 399 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,720 it will begin to slow down, and stop. 400 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,360 So our dogs, for example, which are not the most well-trained dogs in the world, 401 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,120 if the dog were to run in front of it, it would stop? 402 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,400 It'll slow down and stop, yeah. 403 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,080 If all that fails, if we touch that, 404 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,640 the machine will stop dead in the field. 405 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,120 So it's a great many safety features? 406 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,880 [Will] Multiple layers of functional safety, yes. 407 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,640 [Jeremy] Despite all this "Terminator"-style independence, 408 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,880 the AgBot can be driven by a human. 409 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:38,640 [engine starting] 410 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:43,320 But for that, you need a gaming controller. 411 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,360 To take the break off, one click this way. 412 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,160 Okay? That's it. 413 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,480 So now the machine is live. 414 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,160 Forward. 415 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:56,120 [engine whirring] 416 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,000 [tense music] 417 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:00,880 [Will] Left and right is on this one. 418 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,920 Oh my God, this is so... 419 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:10,320 [Will] This is like the remote-controlled toy you always wanted. 420 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,320 [tense music continues] 421 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,560 [Jeremy] See, all those years on Call of Duty... 422 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,720 [Jeremy] Even better, 423 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:24,040 Will told me that a job I'd never mastered in five years, 424 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,520 hitching things to the back of a tractor, 425 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,040 would now be a doddle. 426 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:32,200 Right. 427 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,600 -[tractor beeping] -[Will] Nearly there! 428 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,360 [Will] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, we're there. 429 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,440 [Will] Just go forward a little tiny bit. 430 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,520 [tractor beeping] 431 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,960 -There you go. -[screaming with joy] I did a thing! 432 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,840 I actually hooked a thing in! 433 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,840 -[Will] There you go. -I've done a whole thing! 434 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,840 -Well done, proper job. -Me, I did that! 435 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,120 [Jeremy] Oh, this is properly raining now. 436 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,760 [Will] Should we retire to the office for five minutes? 437 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,360 [Jeremy] Yeah, I think we need a cup of coffee to have a think about this. 438 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:08,600 It's at times like this you actually do need a tractor with a cab to be in. 439 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:13,120 That is the drawback I've just uncovered! 440 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,720 [Jeremy] While we sheltered from the rain, 441 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,480 Will showed me a bit of ground he'd already mapped out 442 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,280 so the AgBot could do a test run. 443 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,320 So we've gotta tell it where to start, where to stop. 444 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,120 [Jeremy] OK. 445 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,800 This is where it gets very exciting. You'll like this. 446 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,200 [Will] "Calculate route". 447 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,520 Ta-da! 448 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,760 -[Jeremy] Route calculated successfully. -Look at that, there it is. 449 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,120 And we can see... 450 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,960 [Jeremy] Oh, so how many passes it's going to do. 451 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,880 And look, you can see what it's gonna do, where it's gonna turn. 452 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,240 We've got a nice light-bulb turn there. 453 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,560 -My God, it's worked out where to turn. -It's worked out where to turn. 454 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,080 It needs to do a three-point turn. Where it's orange, it's going in reverse. 455 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,280 [Jeremy] Amazing. 456 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,720 -This is communicating with the machine? -Correct. 457 00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,160 'Cause this is what... I have this thing about driverless cars 458 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,880 which are all the rage in the world of motoring. 459 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,080 -Yeah. -So you need to go and get groceries. 460 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,240 So you get your car to go into town, 461 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:10,280 which it can do, negotiate roundabouts, negotiate traffic lights, 462 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,520 find a parking space and park in it. 463 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,000 But then what? 464 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,880 It can't go into the shop and get the groceries. 465 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,520 You have to go with it. 466 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,560 -And if you go with it... -[both] You may as well drive it. 467 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,600 Yeah. It's not difficult to drive a car. It's not tiring. 468 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:23,840 So they're pointless. 469 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,840 But this, I can set that going, 470 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,320 I know I've got three and a half hours to go and do something else. 471 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,280 [Will] Absolutely. 472 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,640 This is where autonomous driving really makes sense. 473 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:38,320 [rock music] 474 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,240 [Jeremy] After the rain had stopped, we climbed into the Range Rover 475 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:46,000 and from the passenger seat, I piloted the AgBot to the test area. 476 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,560 [Jeremy] Here we go. So, implement up. 477 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,720 [Jeremy] Okay, and handbrake off. 478 00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,600 [Jeremy] No way! 479 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,520 Holy mother of God. 480 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,320 [Jeremy] That is fantastic! 481 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,080 [rock music continues] 482 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,600 [Jeremy] However, while the AgBot was chugging along nicely... 483 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,800 [Jeremy] Oh, yeah! 484 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:25,000 [Jeremy] Us two in the cheap seats were struggling a bit. 485 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:30,680 [Will] Stuck. 486 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:32,000 [Jeremy] Ah... 487 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,160 [Jeremy] Hang on. 488 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,920 I've had a great idea. 489 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:39,400 [Will] What have we got? 490 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,680 -Ready? -[Will] Yeah, we're good to go. 491 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,200 -[Will] Steady as we go. -Taking up the slack. 492 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,320 [tractor engine whirring] 493 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,400 -[Jeremy] Oh, you're having a laugh! -[Will] Okay. 494 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,000 [upbeat music] 495 00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,960 [Will chuckling] 496 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,360 Has anyone in the world ever towed themselves out, 497 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,960 while driving the vehicle that's doing the towing? 498 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,080 [Jeremy] Thanks to the AgBot, we eventually reached the field... 499 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:21,960 [metal clanking] 500 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,280 [Jeremy] Where it could get on with its day job. 501 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,520 Press and hold button one. 502 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:28,880 [Jeremy] Auto guiding. 503 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,640 -[Will] It's now driving itself. -It is. 504 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,560 -It's hunting for its start point. -It's hunting for its start point, yep. 505 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,120 [Jeremy] Like a dog. 506 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,240 [Jeremy] It's just... I'm not turning, I'm not turning that. 507 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,320 I am not turning. 508 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:46,760 [Will] It's at its start point. 509 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,240 Press and hold button two. OK. 510 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,160 [Will] And it's going. That's it. 511 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,120 [melancholic music] 512 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,320 [Jeremy] Wow. 513 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:03,160 [melancholic music continues] 514 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,560 -[Jeremy] Oh, it's turning, it's turning. -[Will] Here it comes. 515 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:10,920 It's turning. 516 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,520 [Jeremy] OK, it's done it. 517 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,240 That's sold itself to me a thousand times over. 518 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,320 This is quite unbelievable to me. 519 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,520 You think you're driving in a straight line but then you look up, 520 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,080 you see a bird, the phone rings, you hit a bump, 521 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,160 and you're off it. 522 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,520 That is perfection. Look at it. 523 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:49,880 To the centimetre. 524 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,920 [melancholic music continues] 525 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,080 [Jeremy] The only thing the AgBot couldn't do anything about 526 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,560 was the weather, 527 00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,360 which had made the field too wet to cultivate properly. 528 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,720 But for now, it had proved its point. 529 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:06,640 [Jeremy] Let's just stop it now. 530 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,560 It's like... 531 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,160 It's almost like if you'd have arrived at the Battle of Hastings 532 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,240 with a Harrier Jump Jet 533 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,840 is how I'm feeling with that now. It's... 534 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:22,920 Bloody hell! 535 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,240 [soft music] 536 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,920 [Jeremy] While we waited for the soil to dry out, 537 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,520 there were other jobs to do, 538 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,880 like releasing the guinea fowl... 539 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:45,720 [Lisa] The time has come. 540 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:51,080 [Jeremy] Who had now completed their five-day settling-in period. 541 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,400 [Jeremy] We let them out, but in a very narrow, prescribed area, 542 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,920 -which is this half of the wood. -[Lisa] Yeah. 543 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,600 [Jeremy] And the thing about guinea fowl is if Mr Fox comes, 544 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,680 they'll just scuttle up a tree and Mr Fox can't do that. 545 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,200 [Lisa gagging] 546 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,720 [Jeremy] Come on, guinea fowl. Freedom! 547 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,160 -[Jeremy] Look, here we are. -[Lisa] Oh yeah. 548 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,360 -[Jeremy] Look at their little faces. -[Lisa laughing] 549 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,000 -[Lisa] One of them's gonna go and they're all gonna go. 550 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,080 [Jeremy] Yeah, I know. 551 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,480 You can see that they're trying to pluck up courage. 552 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,040 It's like when I was seven on a diving board at the swimming pool. 553 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,440 Yes, yes. 554 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,240 [Jeremy] "Oh, I can't." And you know you're gonna do it. 555 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:30,640 And you're just like, "Oh, I can't." 556 00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:33,320 'Cause in Doncaster, no one could swim. 557 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,280 That's why I got on the swimming team in Doncaster, 558 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,200 'cause I was the only person that didn't drown in water. 559 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,280 Oh, he's gone! He's gone. 560 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,440 -He actually fell out, if I'm honest. -[Lisa] Yeah. 561 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,000 That was on the diving board being pushed. 562 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,520 Oh, now they're all coming. Yeah, look. 563 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,720 Oh, that's fantastic. Now they can see. 564 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,480 [birds cackling softly] 565 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,160 [Jeremy] Oh, that really makes me happy. 566 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,680 [birds cackling loudly] 567 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,720 That actually... That is hurting a pitch. 568 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,920 There's a pitch in that that's hurting my ear. 569 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,800 Our bedroom is there. 570 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,000 That's the soundtrack of our lives from now on. 571 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:17,920 I bought my two-year-old granddaughter... 572 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:19,320 Well, I went into the shop at Christmas, 573 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,520 said, "Could I have the noisiest toys you have?" 574 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,840 'Cause I knew it would annoy my daughter, 575 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:29,000 and she's repaid me with the nosiest farmyard animals that you can get. 576 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,160 [birds cackling loudly] 577 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,400 [Jeremy] Christ Almighty, they're loud! 578 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:38,040 [cackling fading out] 579 00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:44,120 {\an8}[cackling fading in] 580 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:47,920 {\an8}[Jeremy] Try as they might, 581 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,520 {\an8}the guinea fowl didn't get to spoil our weekend lie-in, though, 582 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:57,520 because we'd already been dragged out of bed by something of an emergency. 583 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,400 [tone ringing] 584 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,160 -[Charlie over the phone] Hello? -[Jeremy] Hi, Charlie? 585 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:03,160 [Charlie over the phone] Hello. 586 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,880 We have a problem. 587 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:06,440 {\an8}-Erm... -[Charlie] OK. 588 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,840 {\an8}About a hundred... Well, more than a hundred... 589 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,400 [sighing] What's the word? "Travelling people", 590 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,240 have arrived at the pub car park and set up shop. 591 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:20,200 [car horns beeping] 592 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,640 [Charlie over the phone] A hundred what? Vehicles? 593 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,960 I haven't gone over there, I just think I'd make things worse, 594 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:28,920 a lot. 595 00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:30,720 And they've got horses. 596 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:31,680 Erm... 597 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,720 [stuttering] An enormous number. 598 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,120 [Charlie over the phone] So, have they come to camp? I mean... 599 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,400 [Jeremy] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. 600 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,440 I haven't been over there. But, I mean, one of our... 601 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,880 Erm, you know Ben the cameraman? 602 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:50,600 -[Charlie] Yeah. -He went over 603 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:55,440 and was invited to, forgive the language, fuck off. 604 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:57,760 -He was just... -[Charlie] He's not small. 605 00:28:57,920 --> 00:28:59,040 No, he's a big lad. 606 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,000 [Charlie] So now, we need to know what their objectives are. 607 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:03,960 -Are they gonna stay? -Don't know. 608 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,720 -[Charlie] Or are they going to go? -I don't know. 609 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,560 -[Lisa] Whoa. Where are you going? -I've got to get over there. 610 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:14,840 -[Lisa] Where? -The pub! 611 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,360 -[Lisa] You're not going to the pub. -It's chaos. 612 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,840 [Lisa] You are not a diplomat and you have a dicky heart. Out. 613 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,400 -But... -[Lisa] You're not going, Jeremy. 614 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,320 [Lisa] Come on, let's go. Park that car back there now. 615 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,200 [Jeremy] Fortunately, Ben the cameraman refused 616 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,240 the travellers' kind invitation to "eff off" 617 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,160 and managed to keep filming with his camera and drone. 618 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:44,040 [indistinct conversation] 619 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:46,680 [Jeremy] And it soon became apparent 620 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,360 the travellers were using our car park as a base 621 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,880 for some kind of horse-and-buggy-racing event 622 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,320 on the nearby dual carriageway. 623 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,960 [hooves clacking] 624 00:29:58,160 --> 00:29:59,120 There are very old by-laws. 625 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,720 You are allowed to exercise your horse on the road. 626 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,000 So they're totally allowed to do what they're doing here today. 627 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,640 The police are all over it. They can't stop them. 628 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,680 In terms of The Farmer's Dog pub and site, 629 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,600 our customers, nobody can get in, it's completely blocked. 630 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,240 [tense music] 631 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:20,400 [Jeremy] This meant we had no choice but to sit on our hands and wait. 632 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,400 [hooves clacking] 633 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,600 [tense music continues] 634 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,960 [clacking accelerates] 635 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,000 [car horn beeping] 636 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:36,840 [Jeremy] Four hours later though, 637 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,080 they finished up, went on their way 638 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,560 and we could finally get the pub open. 639 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,480 [Jeremy] They haven't left much litter, which I was worried about. 640 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:50,560 [Annie] We've done a litter pick. 641 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:52,160 -[Jeremy] Oh, have you? -[Annie] They came. 642 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:53,160 [Jeremy] Just cans and stuff? 643 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:54,280 Oh no, syringes. 644 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,040 They obviously inject the horses. 645 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,600 -I'm not an expert but... -Syringes? 646 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,000 -Yeah. -[Jeremy] Shit. 647 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,320 [Annie] I know. And they've given me this. 648 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,640 It's for your padlock and the rubbish that they left. 649 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,840 -And they hope that... -[Jeremy] £150? 650 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:11,800 [Annie] Yeah. 651 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:16,640 -So they break in... -Yeah. 652 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,360 And then pay for the damage. 653 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,680 Well, this is something. Yeah, own a pub, it'll be fun. 654 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:22,640 I have to say... 655 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,360 And then have problems like this to deal with. 656 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:25,960 Never expected this one. 657 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:28,640 [rock music] 658 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:34,360 [Jeremy] A couple of days later, with the fields drying nicely, 659 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,680 we could at last get cracking 660 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,080 with our new hi-tech crop-planting programme. 661 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,240 [Will] Right, ranging pole. 662 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:47,560 This will talk to this and we'll record the points as we go around the field. 663 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,240 [Jeremy] Job one involved AgBot Will and I mapping the fields 664 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:55,120 so that the AgBot's GPS system would know where it was. 665 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,680 -[Jeremy] "Save this point". -[Will] "Save", yeah, perfect. 666 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,480 -[Will] So now we go to the next point. -[Jeremy] OK. 667 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,680 If we're staying in line with the hedge, this is straight. 668 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:04,640 [Will] Yep. 669 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,240 Let's save that, shall we? 670 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:08,440 [Jeremy] "Save". 671 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,800 Right, Spitaways is mapped. 672 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,160 [Jeremy] While we were inputting all the data into the AgBot's brain... 673 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,440 -[Jeremy] Is that... Oh, there it is. -[Will] Yeah. 674 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,840 -Oh wow, that's what we did. -That's what we walked, yeah. 675 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,800 [Jeremy] Jacob the Dutch potato farmer was out in our fields, 676 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,760 taking underground readings 677 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,000 so we'd know where the soil was good 678 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:33,080 and where it wasn't. 679 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,280 [tense music] 680 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,800 Jacob can look down into the centre of the earth. 681 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,240 -[Charlie] Yeah. -Like an echo sounder in a submarine. 682 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:46,560 Something like that, yes. 683 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,880 [Jeremy] As he'd explained in Holland, 684 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,160 red denoted the rich areas of soil 685 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,600 and dark blue the weaker patches. 686 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:56,800 And with this information, 687 00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,760 we could now do targeted seed planting. 688 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,280 [Jeremy] If we get the AgBot, okay, 689 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:07,240 and we say, when you're going over this red bit, 690 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,560 pummel the ground, you know, like machine-gun fire. 691 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,720 When you're going over this blue bit... 692 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,000 -[Charlie] Yeah. -[Jeremy] It changes the rate... 693 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:17,600 -Seed rate. -At which it's planting. 694 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:18,600 [Charlie] So if... 695 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:23,320 I already made a map for the AgBot, so you could drill variable. I made it. 696 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,920 [Jeremy] And it wasn't just variable-rate seed planting. 697 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:28,880 With this new information, 698 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,520 we could now fertilise the field more efficiently 699 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,200 by doing targeted muck spreading. 700 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,640 And as a bonus, 701 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:40,800 we had a mountain of rather special muck ready to go. 702 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,200 That's not cow muck. 703 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,960 Bet you can't guess what animal that came out of the back of. 704 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,400 [Jeremy] No, I'm afraid you're wrong. 705 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:53,680 [soft folk music] 706 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,360 It actually came out of these guys. 707 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,120 They live about ten miles away from Diddly Squat 708 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:00,560 at a local tourist attraction. 709 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,480 [soft folk music continues] 710 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:04,760 [Jeremy] Here we are. 711 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,000 The Cotswold Wildlife Park. 712 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:11,480 [Jeremy] And last year, Reggie the owner had said he'd be happy 713 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:16,440 for us to help ourselves to everything that came out of their bottoms. 714 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,080 [Reggie] I've always felt that this is quite special stuff 715 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,320 because actually they got a very short stomach, rhinos, 716 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,440 and so it's very fibrous, it's full of nutritional material. 717 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,080 -It's much better than cow dung. -[Jeremy] Oh, is it? 718 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:32,360 Well, I think so because cow dung's had much more taken out of it, 719 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,960 because of the second stomach and all the rest of it, 720 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,520 whereas this stuff is neat, it even smells quite wholesome and fresh 721 00:34:38,720 --> 00:34:40,240 when it comes out the first time round. 722 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:41,320 It's just sort of ready to go. 723 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:43,840 -[Jeremy laughing] -You're my new favourite person. 724 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,240 [Jeremy] Whilst our trailers were being loaded, 725 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,720 we said goodbye to the donors 726 00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,840 and then there was a little surprise for Kaleb. 727 00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:57,720 -[Jeremy] See the baby camel there? -[Kaleb] Yeah. 728 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,600 -[Jeremy] The little six-week-old one? -[Kaleb] Yeah. 729 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,760 [Jeremy] Just been talking to one of the people who work here. 730 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:03,560 You know what they've called it? 731 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:05,360 -No, what? -Kaleb. 732 00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,000 -Have they actually? -Yeah, they have. 733 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:11,720 [Jeremy] 'Cause it's got... It's had one of your endless hairstyles, it's got. 734 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:13,280 -[Kaleb chuckling] -So they said 735 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,400 it looks like Kaleb Cooper and they named it Kaleb. 736 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,280 -That's made my day! -You can see its stupid hair. 737 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,080 [Kaleb] It's not stupid, it's great, look at it! 738 00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,280 [Jeremy] That's, yeah... They named it after you. 739 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:23,360 Kaleb! 740 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,960 [soft rock music] 741 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:30,120 [Jeremy] Back in the present, 742 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:34,000 the dung from this prehistoric animal was about to be spread 743 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,920 using space-age technology. 744 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,360 -[Jeremy] When it goes over a red bit... -[Kaleb] It'll put on... 745 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:41,320 [Jeremy] Less. 746 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:45,360 [Jeremy] When it goes over a blue bit, you're putting more on the blue bits. 747 00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,280 Technology blows my mind and I'm 26 years old. 748 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,600 Imagine being a 60-year-old farmer sat here... 749 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:52,560 I know, not you. But... 750 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:54,720 [Jeremy laughing] "Not you." 751 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:55,960 -But you know what I mean? -No, I know. 752 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,280 This is because we went over to Holland for the day. 753 00:35:58,440 --> 00:35:59,600 -Yeah. -And now look where we are. 754 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:00,640 Now, look at us. 755 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,440 -[Jeremy] If your yield goes through... -Through the roof, it's worth doing. 756 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,720 [Jeremy] All we needed now was for the technology to work. 757 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,840 [soft folk music] 758 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,320 [Jeremy] I know now he's coming up to a very good bit of soil, 759 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,200 so the amount coming out of the back should reduce dramatically, 760 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,440 and it has done, look, it has done. 761 00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,440 [Jeremy] Look, hardly any. It's like a fine mist of faeces. 762 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:35,800 Jeez, I think it's working. 763 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,680 Now look, it's getting thicker again. 764 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,920 This is honestly amazing. 765 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:46,920 [Kaleb over the radio] On that corner, it went to 5 tonnes a hectare, 766 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,920 now I'm on 45 tonnes a hectare. 767 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:52,840 [Jeremy over the radio] What, you're impressed with it? 768 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,920 Really impressed. 769 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,440 Well, now is the time to really surprise him. 770 00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:02,160 [Jeremy chuckling] 771 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:07,440 [Jeremy] While Kaleb carried on with his mathematical muck spreading... 772 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:09,440 Band 25 now. 773 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:14,320 [Jeremy] I went to fetch the AgBot so it could start cultivating. 774 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,520 [tense music] 775 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,880 [tractor beeping and engine whirring] 776 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,000 [tense music continues] 777 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:35,120 [Kaleb] What? 778 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,920 [tractor beeping] 779 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,520 When these lights on the top go green, 780 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:45,280 the AgBot will know which field it's in and be ready to start work. 781 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:48,800 [Jeremy screaming] They're green! 782 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,560 I have done a good job! 783 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:57,480 [Jeremy] Right. 784 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,240 [Kaleb] What the fuck is that? 785 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:01,640 [Jeremy] The AgBot. 786 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,960 I've made your tractor, 21st century with its new stuff. 787 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,320 This is the 24th century. 788 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:09,560 I've mapped this field, 789 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:11,960 I went all the way round it the other day with a prong, 790 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,360 so it knows the field. 791 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,120 And we're gonna get it to its start point, 792 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,120 I then go to the pub. 793 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,800 -[Kaleb] It drives itself? You can go? -Oh, yeah. 794 00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,000 And it will cultivate this field. 795 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,440 What about if it blocks up? 796 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,080 It'll ring me. 797 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,160 What happens if it snaps a tine? 798 00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,560 [Jeremy] You wouldn't know that even if you... Stop being negative. 799 00:38:31,720 --> 00:38:35,080 No, you would. I'd just look behind as I'm driving up and down the field. 800 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,840 Come on, admit it, this is superb. It's Dutch. 801 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,480 And I don't have to pay you to cultivate the field. 802 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,800 -[Kaleb] That's basically taking my job. -It has. 803 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,240 [Kaleb] Where's it gonna start then? 804 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:49,920 [Jeremy] It should start where you've been muck spreading. 805 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:53,320 And it will do the steering to find its start point. 806 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,680 [Kaleb] Go on then, set it going. It's not gonna work. 807 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:56,760 -[Jeremy] I will. -It won't. 808 00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,440 [engine whirring] 809 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,920 [Jeremy] It should be turning left any minute now, which I'm not doing. 810 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:08,040 [Jeremy] Oh, yeah... 811 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,200 [Jeremy chuckling] Yes! 812 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:13,760 [Jeremy] Look at that! 813 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,800 [Kaleb] Is it gonna drop it in then? Hang on, it's... 814 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,680 [Jeremy screaming] Yay! 815 00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:23,320 Behold my technology at work. 816 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:29,120 [soft music] 817 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:32,680 That is the Starship Enterprise of farming. 818 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:36,440 [soft music continues] 819 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,080 [engine whirring and crashing] 820 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:42,840 -[Jeremy] Oh, he's stopped. -[Kaleb] That went well. 821 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:44,040 [Jeremy] Shit. 822 00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:46,600 "Error detected: Localisation. 823 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,480 Joy lift, hitch tor link fold-off." 824 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:52,480 What the fuck is all that? That's far too... 825 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,760 [Jeremy] Fortunately, AgBot Will was on hand. 826 00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,160 -[Will] Press and hold button two. -[Jeremy] We get it off the handbrake. 827 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,280 Let go of Two. Press the Pause button. 828 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:04,960 [Jeremy] Please... 829 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,600 -[engine stopping] -[Jeremy] And it's stopped again. 830 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,640 [Kaleb] Oh, this is a great day to be alive! 831 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:14,440 -You're doing a great job cultivating. -[Jeremy] No, ignore him. 832 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,120 [Kaleb chuckling] 833 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:20,080 [Jeremy] What does "NovAtel messages are too late" mean on it? 834 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:22,680 [Will] It's not picking the GPS receiver up. 835 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,360 For whatever reason, the message is delayed. 836 00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,280 [Jeremy] It's not reading the satellite? 837 00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:28,960 [Will] Not reading the satellite quick enough. 838 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,240 [Jeremy] Oh, fuck's sake. 839 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:35,000 [Kaleb] I'm gonna get in the tractor and start it up and it's gonna work. 840 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,440 -[Jeremy] Just ignore him, he'll go away. -[Will] OK. 841 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,240 [Kaleb] Listen! 842 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,080 [engine starting] 843 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:47,720 [Will] So it's scanning round to look at its environment. 844 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,880 -[Will] Then when it's happy, it'll go. -[Jeremy] There, green. 845 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,560 [Will] Press and hold button two. One click. 846 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,080 [Will] Press the Pause button. 847 00:40:58,800 --> 00:40:59,840 [Jeremy] Come on... 848 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,720 Please, come on. Please, please. Please work. 849 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:05,120 Yes! 850 00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:07,440 -[engine stops] -[Jeremy] Oh. 851 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:11,160 [Jeremy] And it's stopped again. For fuck's sake. 852 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,440 -[horn tooting] -[Jeremy whispering] Fucking hell... 853 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:18,160 [Kaleb laughing] 854 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,280 Are you all ready for your autonomous cars? Hope so. 855 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:26,200 [Jeremy] I'm not. 856 00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:30,480 [Jeremy] So are the factory in Holland are now... 857 00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:34,360 -They are looking at that. -[Jeremy] This is the problem. 858 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,320 If it has an app, it won't work. 859 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:37,280 Yeah. 860 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,120 [Jeremy] If anyone can remotely access something, it won't work. 861 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:44,040 [horn tooting] 862 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:46,640 Looks like it's going well over there. 863 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,520 [Jeremy] What is the factory saying now? 864 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:51,040 [Will] Boot up. 865 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:55,800 [Jeremy] Finally, we were ready for another attempt. 866 00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:58,840 [Jeremy] Right. 867 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:01,680 Cultivator's gone down. I'm not doing that. 868 00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:03,320 Weight boxes going down. 869 00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,720 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. 870 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:10,000 Come on. 871 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:12,640 Yes. 872 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,000 [Jeremy softly] Yes! Yes! 873 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:18,200 Come on! 874 00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:20,080 Come on, little fella! 875 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:22,440 Doing it! 876 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,800 [soft epic music] 877 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,440 [Jeremy] When the AgBot finished its first pass 878 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,680 and turned to do its second, 879 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,160 I knew we were in business. 880 00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,680 [epic music intensifies] 881 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:41,160 Ha! 882 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,080 [laughing] 883 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,760 [Jeremy] Even Kaleb was absolutely bowled over. 884 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,360 -[Jeremy] Is it doing a good job? -[Kaleb] Yeah, it's all right. 885 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:07,480 [Jeremy] And that's it. 886 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:12,720 And I can go and get on with another job. 887 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,360 [soft folk music] 888 00:43:18,240 --> 00:43:21,640 [Jeremy] Sadly, it was a job I was dreading. 889 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,520 Because ever since David the butcher had shown me 890 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,880 what a small amount of meat my pigs were producing, 891 00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:36,080 I'd known there was only one option. 892 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:46,320 I love the pigs. I have absolutely... 893 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,000 I've just been delighted with every day I'm down there. 894 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:52,760 They make my heart sing. 895 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,120 I'm so happy with them. 896 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,000 -But we're running a business here. -[Charlie] Yeah. 897 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:02,280 And they make no financial sense at all. 898 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,040 [melancholic music] 899 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,880 [Jeremy] And so, over the next few days, 900 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,400 we'd be saying goodbye to all of them. 901 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:17,720 [Jeremy] Hello, weaners. 902 00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:21,640 [pigs grunting] 903 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:23,760 [Jeremy chuckling] You are funny. 904 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,480 I mean, they're going off anyway. They're... 905 00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:32,040 It's time for them to be... 906 00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:35,600 [hesitating] Moved on. 907 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,600 [Jeremy] The difference this time though is that 908 00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,800 there'd be no new piglets to replace them. 909 00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,760 [Jeremy] These are all the Swizz and Clumsy's. 910 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,880 -[Jeremy] These are the last of the boys. -[Jess] That's it. 911 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,440 [Jess] There you go. Go on. 912 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:08,640 [pigs squeaking] 913 00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,280 They had a good life, didn't they? 914 00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,400 [Jeremy] Yeah, a not very long life. 915 00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:26,960 [Jeremy sniffing] 916 00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,160 [soft acoustic music] 917 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,680 [Jeremy] It was even harder to say goodbye to the next group 918 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:36,880 because it included one of the mothers 919 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:40,920 from the first batch we'd bought three years earlier. 920 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:42,880 [Jeremy] Aw, Surprise... 921 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,320 It was the first pig we had that gave birth. 922 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,080 [pig grunting] 923 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:56,880 [Kaleb tutting] 924 00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:57,880 [Jess] Come on. 925 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:02,240 [Jess] Come on, girl. 926 00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,000 Remember, for the better good. 927 00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,760 -[Jeremy] What? -For the better good. 928 00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,720 It's still fucking sad. 929 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,400 [pigs grunting and squealing] 930 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:17,360 [Jess] All good? 931 00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,640 [Jeremy] Well, no, not really 'cause of poor old Surprise. 932 00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,000 [Jess] As long as you cry once I've left, I'm not too worried. 933 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:23,480 I'm not going to cry. 934 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,000 Are you sure? 935 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:27,160 [Jeremy] All right, thanks, Jess. 936 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:28,840 -[Jess] No worries. -Take care of yourself. Safe travels. 937 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,960 -Thanks, Kaleb. -[Kaleb] See you later, Jess. 938 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:35,160 [soft melancholic music] 939 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,560 [Jeremy] Finally, the day came to say goodbye 940 00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:50,680 to the last two original mothers: 941 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:52,560 Clumsy 942 00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:55,040 and Swizz. 943 00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:58,720 [Jeremy] A lot of happy memories from them. 944 00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:00,080 [Lisa] Yeah, I know. 945 00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:04,680 [Jeremy] The one bit of good news in this whole sad saga is that 946 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:09,280 these two had at least been saved from the slaughterhouse. 947 00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:11,960 [Jeremy] They're going off to a farm where... 948 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:16,560 It's like a school, so children go, and they go, "These are pigs." 949 00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:18,600 Oh, girls, you'll love it. 950 00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:20,000 [Jeremy] They're going to have a... 951 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,640 They're going to be headmistresses in a school. 952 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,400 [Jeremy] Yeah, well, they're going off to be exhibits in a school. 953 00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,480 -Are you gonna keep their names? -[Marc] Yes. 954 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:31,000 -[Jeremy] Clumsy and Swizz. -[Marc] Clumsy and Swizz, yeah. 955 00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:32,040 They're going to very good homes. 956 00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,560 Well, that's the important thing, 'cause they're brilliant, these two. 957 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:37,800 [Jeremy] I couldn't really have handled it 958 00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:39,800 if they'd gone off to be eaten. 959 00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,760 You know they've had four batches of piglets, Lisa? 960 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,200 Do you know how many they've had in total between them? 961 00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:47,160 [Lisa] No. 962 00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:50,280 [Jeremy] Four lots, yeah? 70 pigs have survived. 963 00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,000 -70? -[Jeremy] 70. 964 00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:54,560 -Good girls. -[Jeremy] That's pretty good, actually. 965 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,240 [Lisa] Oh, look. Here we go. 966 00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,800 [Jeremy] You are dealing with Clumsy there. 967 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:02,040 [Jeremy] Oh, well done, Lisa. 968 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,440 [Jeremy] And there's Swizz waiting, look, patiently. 969 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:07,280 Hello, Swizz. 970 00:48:08,240 --> 00:48:11,080 Who's a good pig? Who is a good pig? 971 00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:13,720 Who is a good pig? 972 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,400 -We're gonna miss you. -[pig grunting] 973 00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:17,800 We're gonna miss you. 974 00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:23,600 [Jeremy] Come on, Swizz. 975 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:26,920 Come on. 976 00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:28,560 -[Lisa] There we go. Here we go. -[Jeremy] In you go. 977 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:31,240 Come on. 978 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,240 Come on. 979 00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:39,680 All right, Marc. Safe travels. 980 00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:40,960 [Marc] Yeah, no worries. Thank you very much. 981 00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,840 -Thank you. -Thank you, thanks a lot. 982 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:46,720 [engine starting] 983 00:48:57,720 --> 00:48:59,640 -[Jeremy sniffing] -Well done. You gave them a great life. 984 00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:01,880 Oh... 985 00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:03,400 There, there. 986 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:05,560 There... 987 00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:09,320 ["Father and Son" by Cat Stevens playing] 988 00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:16,760 [Jeremy] Come on, piggies! Welcome to Diddly Squat. 989 00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:18,080 Ooh! 990 00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,000 You're so cute! 991 00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:21,440 [Jeremy] Aren't they just the best? 992 00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:23,680 ♪ It's not time to make a change ♪ 993 00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,880 ♪ Just relax, take it easy ♪ 994 00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:34,040 [Jeremy] Uh-oh. The sow is now going to join Lisa. 995 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:35,280 [Lisa] Jeremy! 996 00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:37,320 [laughing] 997 00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:39,080 Who's gonna look after them? 998 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:41,360 Me! 999 00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:46,000 You're having sex, lovely romantic. He's Barry White. 1000 00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,600 [Lisa] Get the biscuits, darling. Get the biscuits! 1001 00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,320 [Jeremy] But which one for? 1002 00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:52,720 What the bloody hell's that? 1003 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,720 [Jeremy] Has one of the pigs been sick in my pocket? 1004 00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,560 -When you're not here? -Kaleb. 1005 00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:00,720 [Kaleb screaming] Ow, ow, ow! 1006 00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:03,440 [Kaleb screaming] 1007 00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:06,560 Put a new fence along there and up, which is easily done, yes? 1008 00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:09,320 Hey. 1009 00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:12,040 [Kaleb shouting] 1010 00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:14,680 [music continues playing] 1011 00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:18,200 [Lisa] Oh, she's on a teat. Good little one. 1012 00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:20,040 [Jeremy] Well done, Mum! 1013 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:21,840 [Jeremy] Ten piggies. 1014 00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:25,320 This is the best bit of farming I've had so far. 1015 00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:30,680 ♪ I know I have to go ♪ 1016 00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:32,240 [Jeremy] She's obviously squashing them. 1017 00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,200 [Lisa] Oh no... 1018 00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:42,240 [Lisa crying] 1019 00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:47,560 Bye, Baroness. 1020 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:49,840 [Jeremy sniffing] Aw, God. 1021 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,120 [Kaleb] I hate to admit this, yes? 1022 00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:56,600 Clarkson's Ring, it worked. 1023 00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:58,400 [Jeremy] Oh, my God! 1024 00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:00,120 [Jeremy] There's loads! 1025 00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,360 [Jeremy laughing tenderly] 1026 00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,680 ♪ All the times that I've cried ♪ 1027 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:09,320 ♪ Keepin' all the things I knew inside ♪ 1028 00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:12,560 [Jeremy] Look how feisty he's become! 1029 00:51:12,720 --> 00:51:15,520 That is Richard Hammond if you spill his pint. 1030 00:51:15,720 --> 00:51:18,680 ♪ If they were right I'd agree ♪ 1031 00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,600 ♪ But it's them they know, not me ♪ 1032 00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:24,680 It calms her down, look. 1033 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:29,400 ♪ And I know that I have to go away ♪ 1034 00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:34,160 ♪ I know I have to go ♪ 1035 00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:41,840 [tense music] 1036 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,600 Apollo Kaleb, this is Houston Control. 1037 00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:45,960 Mate, are you logged into my tractor? 1038 00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:47,040 Call me "Flight". 1039 00:51:47,240 --> 00:51:49,880 The first Dare Food Night at The Farmer's Dog. 1040 00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:51,800 [Charlie] Lamb's brain here. Stuffed heart? 1041 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:52,960 Have you smelt it? 1042 00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,040 They make you crazy in the mouth. 1043 00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:56,360 [sighing] 1044 00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,640 -RP33! You found a grant. -Yeah. 1045 00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,040 [Jeremy] They pay us to slow the water down. 1046 00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:02,720 [Lisa] That machine is amazing. 1047 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,000 [Jeremy] End Game's first child! 1048 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:06,560 [grunting] There's a head. 1049 00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:08,320 [Kaleb] It's all yours now, yeah? 1050 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:09,560 [cow mooing] 1051 00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:12,000 [soft rock music]